WEAR

Penny Lane from Almost famous and Lisa Rowe from Girl, Interrupted are two of my favorite movie characters of all time, and I just realized that they have really similar coats. If I ever want to be cool someday, I will buy this coat.

Girl Interrupted

 

I read Girl, Interrupted by Susanna Kaysen. I didn't even know it was a book until I saw it at Goodwill, much less know it's a true story. I loved the move a ton so I decied to read it. The book is good but surprisingly it's not as good as the movie. They really played up Lisa (Jolie) in the movie and made her one of the main parts. I love the story though becasue I'm really fascinated by the thin and obscure line between the sane and insane. I don't really wanna explain it because thats what the movie and book are for and I know I'll just ruin it by summarizing. Sometimes I wonder how far I am from crazy and I wonder what takes us there and I wonder how we can heel from that.

Some of my favorite lines:

"Endogenous or exogenous, nature or nurture- it's the great mystery of mental illness."

"When you're sad you need to hear sorrow structured into sound."

"What is it about meter ad cadence and rhythm that makes their makers mad?"

"You can flit back and forth between thes perceptions and ecperience a sort of mental vertigo. And if you do this, you are treading onthe ground of craziness- a place where false impressions have all the hallmarks of reality."

 

music

http://www.enneagraminstitute.com/forum-test/topic.asp?TOPIC_ID=26395

Hole in my Life

I just read Jack Gantos' memoir A Hole in My Life. It tells the story of how he got into crime and what prison was like. I liked him a lot better than you're usual addict book (they always end up being criminals) because he wasn't a total idiot like the character's in any of ellen hopkins drug addiction books. He has some self responsibility and even though he was a criminal I didn't hate him becasue I saw what brought him to that and he also didn't try to cover up any of his flaws or mistakes. He layed it clear as day and was vulnerable because he was truely regretful for his actions.
He was a good writer- definitely better than a lot of famous ones like Suzanne Collins or James Patterson or Nicholas Sparks-  yet he kept talking about how all he wanted to do was write and that was his passion and I just thought it was weird becasue he wasn't that great. But maybe thats because he didn't really have a good high school education.
Another thing I was dissapointed in is the fact that he writes childen's books now. I figured with such a traumatic and adventurous and deep life, he'd be doing something more fulfilling. Maybe he's happy but because he's suffered a lot I just wish he was more famous and stuff, you know? But maybe because he realizes that he is a criminal he accepts that life can never be great.
I enjoyed reading it.

The Alchemist Failure

The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho was said to be a "modern day classic." It is Julia Roberts favorite book and Bill Clinton was photographed reading it. (I suppose this should forebode to the negative). Even on the first page I was confused because I noticed how poorly it was written. Seriously so bad. He writes at a middle school level and it's funny because you can tell he is trying so hard to write with literary merit.
The whole book says dumb things like "find your Personal Legend," "the Soul of the Universe", the "Language of the World." And I'm thinking "Are you kidding me?! Is this book for 6 year olds?!"
The philosophy is so elementary. Basically it says, go after your dreams and they will come true. So childish. And you'll get a kick out of the introduction also because he is boasting about how his wonderful book became so popular and how he thinks that makes it a revolutionary book. Then he says "heres why.." 1. "We are told from childhood that everything we want to do is impossible." No one says that! Thats such old thinking. People are realistic still but honestly if a little kid says he wants to be a pro football player when he grows up people will say "thats great" and they will let him find out on his own that its probably not gonna happen.
2. "Love." So stupid.
3. "Fear of defeat" Holy crap I didn't realize I was scared of doing that! But now I'll do it now that I know I'm scared! Thanks!!
4. "Fear of not having a dream anymore" This is I suppose not completely worn out but still it's dumb because its not true. Would you rather be happy or be unhappy and dream of being happy? Stupid question, I know.

This guy says he is a Catholic but he's nothing more than a pagan. He capitalizes the word Universe and says everything is one and it is all helping you out. B.S.
This guy is an idiot.

I pretty much agree with everything that this person says( I went searching for someone else that was flabbergasted by how terrible it is!):
http://www.stirringtroubleinternationally.com/2012/04/08/the-alchemist-an-ode-to-modern-capitalism/

Witness by Whittaker Chambers

I don't really know how to start my great multitude of thoughts on this book, so I will let Chambers speak first. Here are only a handful (I have five pages worth of highlighted passages written in a notebook) of my favorites.
"Thus we crossed that bridge from death to life which faith said "Try" but cold reason said "Even to think of trying is hopeless."
"Of course, we do not simply step from evil to good, even recognizing that any human good and evil is seldom more than a choice between less evil and more good. In that transition we drag ourselves like cripples. We are cripples. In any such change as I was making, the soul itself is in flux. How hideous our transformations are, wavering monstrously in their incompleteness as in a distorting mirror, until the commotion settles and the soul's new proportions are defined."
"In that change, practicality and precaution are of no more help than prudence or craft. It is a transit that must be made upon the knees, or not at all. For it is only to the graves of dead brothers that we find ourselves powerless at last to bring anything but prayer. We are equally powerless at the graves of ourselves, once we know that we live in shrouds."
"At the end, all men simply pray, and prayer takes as many forms as there are men, without exception we pray. We pray because there is nothing else to do, and because that is where God is- where there is nothing else."
"What immunity can the world offer a man against his thoughts?
"Men have never been so educated, but wisdom, even as an idea, has conspicuously vanished from the world."
"[Communism's] triumph means slavery to men wherever they fall under its sway and spiritual night to the human mind and soul."
"I know that he and all his generation may soon bear witness of a kind before which every other shrinks in humility; and I want him to have a standard as simple as stepping into the dark and raising his eyes whereby to measure what he is and what he is not against the order of reality."

Note: This review minimizes the greatness of this book because I cannot say what I feel about 800 pages into a single blog with an utter completeness.

Whittaker Chambers had a twisted, eerie, and fantastically tragic childhood. The peculiarities and depressing moments of his youth give deep insight into what horrible events and emotions foced him into such a terrible regime, what made him believe in a philosophy of atheism and slavery. As a strict capitalist and believer in free market principles, I am sad to say that I honestly do not know what path I would have chosen if I had his childhood, and I believe that is a testament to the emotional torture and confusion he was compelled to battle with.
And because Chambers is a phenomenal writer, his childhood, one which Americans haven't heard about nor care about, was one of the most interesting parts of the book for me to read, even though I intended to only read about the case. I cannot articulate the full extent of my thoughts on his brother's death, but they resonate very well with Chamber's own words: "I never questioned that my brother's death was due to great weaknesses in himself. But it was also due to strength and clarity- his undeflected vision of his own weaknesses and of the world in which, they had come to light and to grief. That world was dying of its own vulgarity, stupidity, complacency, inhumanity, power and materialism-a death of the spirit. The toxins of its slow decay poisoned all life within it- but first of all that life which was most gentle and most decent because its sensitivity(that is to say, in part, its weakness), made it most sucseptible and most incurable."

One of the points he made about the new dealers that I loved was that they are socialists and communists. The New Deal was a genuine revolution, only one of economic instead of violent proportions. And the reasons liberals feel so wildly malicious to anti-communists is that they see no diffrence between the philisopical principles of what they believe in and what the communists believe in. The innate ideas and philospohies are the same, the only reason they can exist is that the liberals try to keep their extremely radical ideas swept under the rug.

This book has racked me up and has obliged me to rethink my beliefs on religion and politics. And I still haven't found my answers yet and I'm left exceptionally confused. Chambers' beliefs were the complete opposite of Ayn Rand's, which I was supposed to believe in after I read Atlas Shrugged. But they definitely do not agree, as Chambers wrote an essay ridiculing Atlas Shrugged called 'Big Sister is Watching You'. I agreed with his logic of the flaws in the book only at the surface. Things like how it is weird that there are no children or the laughable fact that every "good" person in the book was unfathomably beautiful. But he disagrees with her in a very large way, too. Not because of the fact that he was a communist and she a capitalist, but because he believes in God. Rand has a whole chapter in her book that condemned the idea of a paradox because she believed they did not and could not exist by matter of reason and logic, but Chambers quoted this of his most personal statement:"Christian faith is a paradox which is the sum of paradoxes. Its passion mounts, like a surge of music, insubstantial and sustaining, between two great cries of the spirit- the paradoxic sadness of 'Lord, I believe; help Thou mine unbelief...I believe because it is impossible." So, if he believes paradoxes can exist in the most miraculous of ideas, and they can be pious, he therefore believes they exist very surely in life. Does the existence of God grant a truth that paradoxes exist? I don't know. Because God means that humans are more than beasts; they have freedom from slavery because their minds are wonderful and God-given (power of mind= no paradox because paradoxes do not exist with logic) but then if God exists than things are illogical(in the sense that humans cannot reason it) which means paradoxes do exist.... Maybe I just answered it then.. Because in saying that it can be neither becasue it has to be both means that there is a paradox.
So then does that mean I have to believe in what Chambers believes? Because he seems like the greatest pessimist that ever lived and I think of him cowardly when he tried to kill himself. And he believes that man should live simply, hard working and loving because he has been given life by God, so he is belittled, nothing more than a dirty rag at best. But then that seems like a sort of communist way of thinking...that he is not unique and not important so he should not stive to succeed (excluding the God part).
I suppose my larges question in that it has the most direct effect on my life(and afterlife) is does God hate wealth? Chambers believes so. As the senior editor of time he chose to be a farmer because its those kinds of men "whose habitual labors hold the crumbling world together." (communist view again!) Because its the big business owners to create jobs and wealth and inventions, but it is the farmers who grow the necessities and don't deal with the ungodly stuff, instead with the raw earth in its purest form.

I'm at a loss.

The Curious Case of the Dog in the Night-time

By Mark Haddon. Short and exceptionally quick read. The narrator is a 15 year old boy with severe social problems and they don't exactly say in the book what it is but I think he has a serious degree of autism or aspergers, but it helps him focus on things so he has incredible mathematical skills. Anyway, it was a little strange letting myself be the persona of the story, like I normally do. The narration reminded me of perks of being a wallflower or cather in the rye but it was more socially awkward. I got mad at him a bunch too and it was kind of a tragic story because he is such a hassle to live with and he really doesnt feel love so he cannot appreciate his fathers efforts. And so no one really wins in the end because its kind of a story of unrequitted love. Yes, the story is hopeful in the end because they are probably going to live with eachother and Christorpher will stop being so afraid of his father, but the reader knows their lives will still be rough. His dad will feel guilty when he feels burdened by his son but he will also never be able to have a relationship with a woman because of his son.
Sometimes I connected with the kid because I'm socially awkward I guess and I feel like him sometimes in social situations being so overwhelmed and stuff. The difference though is that I don't start rolling around on the ground screaming. But then again I'm not as academically gifted as him and I would definitely like to be.
The book was okay and I'm glad I read it, maybe just because it was so short.
Makes you think!

Read This!

If you ever need suggestions...
http://bookreviews.me.uk/rory-gilmore-reading-challenge/

Reading still

I just read a political book. I don't wanna say who by because I don't wanna start a mob, but it was good. Real good. Peace.

Perks of Being a Wallflower

I just finished Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. I know I'm terribly late on this one but I have been wanting to read it for a while- I just never had the chance. It was really good and it was a whole lot like Catcher in the Rye, which i loved also. Maybe, though, it was too much like Catcher in the Rye- maybe the author pretty much copied Catcher. Both books, and I'm not sure how it's done, have a very likeable tone, a real voice that is almost childlike and innocent. The tone of catcher and perks is like the familiar, cozy tone of Junie B Jones, and I absolutely love that. Holden Caulfield was a little more funny and Perks was a little more sad. But they both battled with depression and had strange encounters with people because they both looking for more substance in the world and they both ended up in mental hospitals. I read Perks because even though I'm not a liberal, i know it is pretty much the hipster's Bible so I wanted to be culturally literate and that's why I read it. Sometimes I'm a wallflower because the quote really got to me that "people use thought to not participate in life" and that's what I do. My family calls me a hermit crab and I've been okay with that because I've always said to myself "im busy doing other, more important things; I'm busy thinking." But is it worth it? To be proud and let life go by? I think that's what this book is saying.

I think the movie for Perks is gonna suck an awful lot. I probably won't see it.

Love always,

Mallory

This is to remind me to read it

http://www.netcharles.com/orwell/essays/why-i-write.htm

^George Orwell essay

Triangles

Just finished Triangles. With Ellen Hopkins, you can read a 600 page book in one day, easily. It's so refreshing. The teen fiction novel is a bungle of adjectives: entertaining, poetic, innapropriate, depressing and anticlimactic. She usually tells the stories of some pretty flawed characters, and you know you would just absolutely hate the person, if you did not hear the story told in first person. It helps you understand people and why sometimes they do the terrible things they do. She is a good writer, too, because every page is a a really unique poem, kind of. And for me, it would take a long time to create 600 pages of poems that create a story. but she does it, everytime and I enjoy it everytime because I have read every single one of her books. Even the ones about middle aged women (this one) that no one reads. Hopkins probably should have stuck with teen personas though, because the women basically sound and act like teenagers and the whole thing seems so silly because these 40 year old women are engaging in completely wreckless and immature activities.
Oh, well, though. She took a chance, and ultimately it was entertaining.
P.S. I hate the cover art.

June 4th 2012

I haven't posted anything in a while because I haven't been reading lately. School's ending so I've been getting a lot of projects and have had to study for finals. But there's only two days of school left so I'll definitely read a lot and post a lot this summer because I'm doing the summer reading program and I don't have any summer reading this summer! Yay! I think I will read a lot of classics, though, just because I want to prepare myself for college and the adult world.

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo finished!

I read this book instead of doing homework because I was so enthralled. It was seriously dark and distrurbing but I'm excited to see the movie because Daniel Craig is in it, yo. I wished the author had cut out the last 100 pages and the beginning 75, because it was about a personal plot with the protagonist that was really boring and at the end there was a big climax and the murder was solved but then there was another 100 pages of garbage! He also wasn't very well-versed in his grammar knowledge and I caught a lot of mistakes, but that's pop fiction for ya. The author died shortly after he had delivered the manuscripts for this trilogy which is kinda creepy but mostly sad because he wasn't given the chance to see the wild success of the novels. I'm glad I read this book to say I've read it, given it a chance, and will be literate when the book comes up in conversations but I will not read the other two books because there would be no purpose. I may enjoy them but I will have gained nothing from reading them.
Until next time!

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

So i know i said i hate pop fiction but i made an exception with the girl with the dragon tatto by stieg larsson because its a mystery. It is really dark but really interesting so I'm hooked and all I wanna do is go home ( im at school) and read it. Also, I'm excited to see the movie, partly because Daniel Craig is in it! Yeah so, there's not that much i can say about it because its just a pop fiction book but i do detect some socialist ideas and its kind of annoying because the author hates all things business. But i love it!

S/O to Darby Cook

Poi si torno all’ eterna fontana

        I just finished A Grief Observed, by C.S. Lewis. I titled this entry "Poi si torno all’ eterna fontana" because that is the last line of the book, meaning (from Dante) "then she turned back to the eternal fountain." C.S. Lewis is an absolute genius and I learned a lot from reading this, but I also missed a lot of stuff because he is so much above me. One thing I did learn is that I don't know a thing about God, and I really do need to trust him because I don't know how or why he does the things he does. C.S. Lewis, in his great grief, never doubted God, but he did doubt God's character. He battled with the idea of an all powerful and a good god coexisting. This made me terribly confused and angry because, in a sort of guilty way, I count on Lewis to be firm, and to know who God is, and that God is good. But Lewis, with his incredible pain and catholic beliefs of purgatory struggled during that time. That kind of scared me too, I guess: the idea of purgatory. And I wonder, are catholics right? I believe with a full conviction that they are wrong, and I feel like the Bible reveals the truth in the Christian beliefs but then why would a man so smart as Lewis be a Catholic? That scares me, but I know I have to go with the way the Bible speaks to me, and I just can't see the truth in catholicism.

        This was really just Lewis' thoughts as they came to him, he captured them on paper but did not organize them too fully so maybe that's another reason this was so difficult to understand. I pray for the amount of love, faith and trust it takes to reach God. Because can doing save you? It is a battle of the heart, not the body's actions.

White Noise

I just finished White Noise. It was a book I had to read for school so I didn't like it too much. It was supposed to be funny but I just found it weird. Like something was supposed to be so ridiculously outrageous that it was a joke but to me it just seemed  really weird. And then it talked about how nuns don't really believe in God, they just say they do so we all can feel better. I don't understand what the author's point was when he put this in, because its so obviously untrue so i don't think the idea was to get people believe this exact statement. Who knows though? Maybe he just wanted to be weird and creepy and guess what? He succeeded!

The Hunger Games Round 2

I decided to try it again. I finished and it was really easy to read, entertaining I suppose, but it wasn't good at all. It was just a bunch of action and, of course, everyone was obsessed with the main character and "she wasn't aware of it" even though its totally obvious and youre not being humble for not noticing it, youre being an idiot and youre making a bigger deal out of it by making people explain it. The writing was terrible. So I'm not going to read the other books but I will see the movie because I think it'll be a good movie because its a story for a movie. Simple as that. Books are for intellecutal prose and movies are, not always though, just for entertainment. And this was "entertaining."

Adios, yo

YES!

Finished Atlas Shrugged. 1168 pages read. Boom. Yeah so I read it and I loved it. I agree on many parts with Whittaker Chambers about Ayn Rand's flaws except on the Robin Hood part, I think she is right on that. But I don't see why Chambers hates her so much- she is right on almost everything. Maybe its the fact that shes an atheist that he doesn't like. Which brings me to my next point- I think that the reason i was disagreeing with her earlier is because I was getting Ayn Rand's spiritual and moral philosohpy mixed up with her political philosophy. Capitalism is the most loving and logical way a man can live.
Im just really glad I'm done.
Oh and P.S. I finished Snow Flower and the Secret Fan also. I'm about to watch the movie.

Peace

Little bit O' Shakespeare

" So farewell to the little good you bear me. Farewell! a long farewell, to all my greatness!This is the state of man: to-day he puts forthThe tender leaves of hopes; to-morrow blossoms,And bears his blushing honours thick upon him;The third day comes a frost, a killing frost,And, when he thinks, good easy man, full surelyHis greatness is a-ripening, nips his root,And then he falls, as I do. I have venturd,Like little wanton boys that swim on bladders,This many summers in a sea of glory,But far beyond my depth. My high-blown prideAt length broke under me, and now has left me,Weary and old with service, to the mercyOf a rude stream that must for ever hide me. Vain pomp and glory of this world, I hate ye!I feel my heart new opend. O, how wretchedIs that poor man that hangs on princes favours!There is, betwixt that smile we would aspire to,That sweet aspect of princes, and their ruin,More pangs and fears than wars or women have;And when he falls, he falls like Lucifer,
Never to hope again "

So farewell to the ways of the world, of trying to achieve things that will bring you nothing, of hope in men and gold, goodbye to the material powers of the world and Hello God's eternal gift of grace.

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan

I haven't read in a couple weeks because reading Atlas Shrugged feels so hopeless and I'm still angry at Dagny so I picked up a very short and easy read- Snow Flower and the Secret Fan by Lisa See. I absolutely love it. The writing is really good and its really interesting because it tells the story of a girl born in 1823 China. I am, for some reason, absolutely fascinated by Chinese culture and I love to read these kinds of books so it is really fun for me to read. It has a big part on foot binding which i found really almost unbearable to even read. I can't believe they did that. The ideal size was 7 centimeters! So crazy and for such an awful cause. Those Chinese women were braver and stronger than I can imagine. It's amazing the kind of brutality they were supposed to take and are expected to take without any say at all. That sort of obedience and suffering is an unreal world to American women, who dance around naked shouting to the world how their rights are being taken away. It's pathetic really and then to put those two types of women next to eachother - the contrast is black and white.

Heres a poem that is directly perpendicular to Atlas

One Hundred Love Sonnets: XVII
By Pablo Neruda 1904–1973

I don’t love you as if you were a rose of salt, topaz,

or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:

I love you as one loves certain obscure things,

secretly, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that doesn’t bloom but carries

the light of those flowers, hidden, within itself,

and thanks to your love the tight aroma that arose

from the earth lives dimly in my body.

 

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,

I love you directly without problems or pride:

I love you like this because I don’t know any other way to love,

except in this form in which I am not nor are you,

so close that your hand upon my chest is mine,

so close that your eyes close with my dreams.

If this doesn't make sense, don't worry; I'm confused too.

Here's a passage from Atlas:
      ""To be loved for!" he said, his voice grating with mockery and righteousness. "So you think that love is a matter of mathematics, of exchange, of weighing and measuring, like a pound of butter on a grocery counter? I don't want to be loved for anything. I want to be loved for myself- not for anything I do or have or say or think. For myself-not for my body or mind or words or actins." 
      "But then... what is yourself?""
If you're not a capitalist then I'll have to tell you that the first person talking is the "bad" guy and the second is the "good" guy.
And yes, I so agree with this. People have to be good, they have to be worthy if they expect someone to love them. It is not enough just to use this powerful word "love." But I'm having trouble with it becuase, why then does God love us? Because he is great, wonderful, perfect, above us. We know we don't deserve to be loved, and yet we are, and yet we plead for it as we are sinning. So shouldn't we try to emulate his love? I know that by emulating his love we will destroy ourselves. We would be no match for the evil in this world if we showed that complete vulnerability. I think that God sends us to give all we have to the poor. But isn't it "better to teach a man to fish than to give him a fish"? this same principle lies deep within the seeds of capitalism. The poor survive, thrive because of other people's success. They are borught up when brilliant industrialiasts make millions even when they make millions for it. This is so messed up. So if we give all we have to the poor we would be doing them a great, great diservice. But they would see kindness? No. I don't think so. They would see a source to be drained. So why does capitalism look like the nemisis of God? It seems like an absolute contradiction on the surface, a surface that many will not pass.
     Or maybe giving to the poor will give proof to the small number, that narrow path of people, the proof, the sight they need to believe in God. Even if it destroys us. Even if it destroys the world. So the question is, does God wasnt us to destroy ourselves for that small number of people? Does he want us to destroy the earth for that small number of people? Or does he want to make the world a better place without people's knowledge even though we are giving them food, removing their burdens?
Why do we seperate God's word from serving the poor to marrying someone? Because they will destroy us just the same. Does he want us to destroy the world for His sake?
So many questions. So few answers.

1st movie post

Im going to start blogging about unusual movies or documentaries that I see. So here is just a list of my favorites but theyre not necessarily unique.

Cerebral		comedy		Action		Romance		Animated		Scary
Spread		no string attached		Wanted		the notebook		shrek		Disturbia
the lucky ones		bridesmaids		Salt		curious case of benjamin button		rio		Prom night
good will hunting		shes the man		Fight Club		Titanic		tangled		trespass
shawshank redemption		the proposal		dark night		10 things I hate about you		foz and the hound		the uninvited
girl interrupted		mean girls		prescint 13		crazy stupid love
7 pounds		Kickass		xmen
the guardian				sherlock holmes
v for vendetta				Fast Five

Finally finished one!

I took a break from Atlas to finish The Screwtape Letters. C.S. Lewis is just so brilliant; everything he writes is amazing. It was a short book, a little scary, and definitely convicting.
Some favorite lines:
1. He wants them to learn to walk and must therefore take away His hand; and if the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles.
2. "...so that a faith which is destroyed by a war or a pestilence cannot really have been worth the trouble of destroying."
3. It is funny how mortals always picture us as putting things into their minds: in reality our best work is done by keeping things out.
4. 'To be' means 'to be in competition'.
5. "Love will be held to excuse a man from all the guilt, and to protect him from all the consequences..."(hint: this is bad)

Remember that all these lines are coming from the devil and therefore may be backward or its describing how the world is and not how it should be or maybe its representing what God had in mind; therefore i guess you really need the context around it but you'll just need to decide for yourselves.

Major Venting

I am so angry with Atlas Shrugged. Dagny has two of the greatest men in the world at her feet, dying because they both love her so much. And she chooses another man completely. She chooses someone she doesnt even know. Oh gosh it makes me so angry and i just want to throw the book at the wall and cry and yell at her. Holy crap I hate her. I liked her at the beginning but now I realize that she doesn't deserve any of these men; and she doesnt deserve to be called a woman.

The Product of America's free mind. Capitalism at its finest

My underdeveloped thoughts on Atlas

I'm in bed and can't sleep so I decided to catch up my documentation of atlas shrugged. I'm at page 750. At first the book was a little discouraging for me because I wanted it to just be about how capitalism is great and I wanted it to spell that right out on every page. But the first 400 pages were just there to show what kind of social world it was and how annoying people's victim speeches are and the left's philospohy on how the rich are evil.  I wondered if this political idea of the book could coexist with my religious beliefs. I realize that capitalism is by far the only way to run a country but is it the way to run a spiritual life? I know that socialism would ruin the world (fact), but maybe God doesn't care at all about the world. And now I find myself sounding like the stupid evil people of Atlas Shrugged but the difference is that a God does not exist in Atlas Shrugged. If a God did not exist I would throw myself completely at the ideals of doing nothing but for ones own profit, but a God does exist. And now the question I have to ask myself is "Does God want me to pursue him to the point of putting this earth in flames?"  Does he want this earth ruined in his name? It sounds like a contradiction but it would be a testament to love (the very thing most hated in Atlas Shrugged).

But on page 413 the book took a turn with Francisco D'anconia's beautiful and inspiring speech. And from then on it told of the greatness of capitalism and how there was a fight against the socialism that is being spread in America. I fell in love with Francisco at that moment( and let me just say it really sucks, really really sucks to be in love with a fictional character- for obvious painful reasons). There is a love triangle between Dagny and Francisco and Hank Rearden. Dagny and Francisco are past lovers but Francisco had to leave her in order to fight this fight and he couldnt tell Dagny why but it hurt him so badly to leave her and he has never loved anyone else. But then Dagny fell in love with Hank and Hank fell in love with her and really Hank is an amazing man and so I have trouble deciding which one im rooting for. But honestly, Im not sure if being with Dagny really is the best for either of them because I think she might start an affair with John Galt. I hope not. I really do hope not. Because then she's just a disgusting kind of woman; the kind of woman that doesn't carry the right to be called a woman. So im sad to report that i find the romance the most interesting but this romance really is quality stuff, written in quality prose. I'm glad I've gotten the philisophical stuff out of it though because now Im that much more of a cultured person and those ideas ive had floating around my mind are clearly put into words that i can use.
See you in 418 pages!

Who is John Galt?

I started Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand this week and got done with book 1. It was 336 pages so I was cookin and I'm proud of myself but I still have books 2 and 3. Atlas Shrugged has a total of 1167 pages. I feel like I'm running a marathon and I'm really out of breath and exausted but no matter how long a break I give myself, i feel i will still be out of breath. So I'll just keep on reading. Because it is amazing.  The characters are so complex and I thought it was just gonna be a straightforward "These are the good people and these are the bad people and capitalism is what works" but its such good writing and these people's minds are incredible. I'm aspiring to be like them, or at least have a few of their qualities because they definitely aren't perfect but it absolutely blows my mind and makes me wonder what perfect really means.
It's late and I wanna go to bed so I'm gonna talk to you about it later because it definitely deserves an in-depth look. But because I finished the first book, I watched the first movie of part 1. The movie sucked really bad to say the least. It's like no actors or even the director actually read the book, because theyre not capturing the essence of the problem, of how multi-faceted these characters are, and the emotional conflicts each man and woman battles. But oh well. The book is great.  But long......

A Perfect World: Compiling all my joys in one place makes me feel really good so here you go

If I could, I'd live in a world with no worries. I think I'd go camping all the time, including sleeping in the bed of my truck, parked anywhere on the east coast beach. I'd go bike riding and listen to Bon Iver and The Civil Wars while I read the novels of Ayn Rand and poems and the classics and the modern geniuses. I'd have  a gazebo where i could read or sleep of just feel the cool night air. I would own any suit a man could, but mostly I'd just wear loose clothes that I could still be feminine in, and I'd have long hair that didn't cause headaches. I'd eat the tomatoes, and apples and grapes that I grew in my huge garden. I would pray constantly and thank God all the time and love Jesus with all my heart. I would travel any chance I got and speak fluently to the natives of Espana or Argentina. I'd go to Christian and rock and indie and acoustice concerts where I'd close my eyes and dare the music to enter me, into my soul. I'd write books and they'd be great but maybe not many people would read them and I would be a professor of I don't know what, maybe law because I'd been a judge a couple years, but I'd teach something to those students and they would be glad they had met me because I'd be kind and understanding. I'd be handy and a black belt and a genius thereby idependent of any man.  But at the end of the day, I'd ride home on my bike, stopping first to buy an old book at the local used bookstore. I'd say hi to the owner because we'd be good friends, and tell him I'll see him at Church on Sunday.  I'd be really happy.

Some days, most days

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hW7m9NJa_xE&feature=related

Using this thing like a twitter

I have nostalgia for things that never happened

Either body or mind, one of them must be on the road.

“the only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes 'Awww!'"- Jack Kerouac

Man, am i really feeling this quote right now.

Genuineness of Assent

For a couple years now I have been calling myself the prosecutor. (Is it conceited to give yourself a nickname?) I have this twisted need to judge the heck out of people. I know it's evil, and I'm trying not to, but somehow I can't find any situation where people should act the way they do.  Maybe its pessimism, but I think its this deep need for truth, and honestly, and genuineness. I know it's been said a million times before, but life is not like the movies. And I have a really hard time dealing with that. People can be so ridiculously (well I don't quite know the following adjective) that I notice their deceit even when they do not know that they are decieving others, and therefore decieving themselves. Recently I've found someone that I think is honest and it makes me so emotional because I am so happy that someone like that exists. They have a blog and so that's why I'm blogging this.. I guess that doesn't make sense. Oh well, I'm doing it.  We'll see what the future holds

Memorizing another poem: The Sorrow of Love by William Butler Yeats

The Sorrow of Love By William Butler Yeats

The brawling of a sparrow in the eaves,

The brilliant moon and all the milky sky,

And all that famous harmony of leaves,

Had blotted out man's image and his cry.

A girl arose that had red mournful lips

And seemed the greatness of the world in tears,

Doomed like Odysseus and the labouring ships

And proud as Priam murdered with his peers;

Arose, and on the instant clamorous eaves,

A climbing moon upon an empty sky,

And all that lamentation of the leaves,

Could but compose man's image and his cry.

Epiphany! Wormtail vs. Wormwood

I started The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis today and I realized that J.K. Rowling got her name for a character from The Screwtape Letters which got its name from The Bible. I feel like Sherlock Holmes! Haha, except it is probably a known fact to every intellectual but still I feel pretty proud(flaw). The word Wormwood first appears in the book of Revelations in the Bible: Rev 8:10-11 "And the third angel sounded, and there fell a great star from heaven, burning as it were a lamp, and it fell upon the third part of the rivers, and upon the fountains of waters; And the name of the star is called Wormwood: and many men died of the waters, because they were made bitter." In the Screwtape Letters, Wormwood is the minion of the devil. The story is a collection of letters written from the devil (screwtape) to Wormwood, telling him how to keep man away from God. (It is absolutely amazing but I'll go into detail about that later)  The book was published in 1942. In Harry potter, voldemort has a right hand man named wormwood. Voldemort is obviously very much like the devil.
Many people think that the harrry potter series is evil and sacrilegious, but there are many Christian connections. Now, I do know that Rowling isn't a Christian and didn't intend for this to be a spirtitual guide, but there are many similarites.

All the Pretty Horses

Horses are such beautiful imagery and even the word gives the title a melodious ring to it.
I finished All the pretty Horses by Cormac McCarthy. 
All the Pretty Horses is a western but it is also modern and therefore it has a contemporary twist. John Grady Cole has many qualities of a cowboy; the first is that he rides a horse into the dangers of adventure.  He breaks away from the civilization factor, where everything is good, and right, and moral in order to step into the untamed wilderness. In this quest, he becomes tainted when he has to break the law in order to do what is right overall. The usual western hero sacrifices himself for civilization and that’s where the Christ figure comes in and the reason many people do not think it is a coincidence that the protagonist’s initials are J.C.  Because there seems to be no wilderness left in America, he is forced to travel to the wide and empty ranches of Mexico. Secondly, he has an amazing ability to beautifully break horses in a short time. On only his first day on the La Purisma ranch, he broke almost all their wild horses, gaining the utmost respect from all the other characters.  Also, there is always a female that the protagonist wins over with his masculine, rough, violence and also his mysterious power of charisma.  The female character is usually a damsel in distress and in this novel Alejandra is in distress, although it’s emotional instead of physical. Alejandra is trapped in a world that’s been caged by her father and aunt Alfonsa. John Grady Cole is not able to save her from this world, and consequently put her in his world, but he does make her fall in love with him. This could be looked at as a failure instead of half success because he made her caged world even worse. Before, she was discontented in her entrapment, but now she is miserable because John Grady Cole gave her a taste of freedom. He stole her love and not her cage and therefore she will live in a world without him. Her depression has been heightened because she went from no feeling to an awful state of being.

 One thing that I thought was interesting it it was when a character discussed the fact that in history there are no control groups. "There is no one to tell us what might have been. We weep over the might have been, but there is no might have been. There never was." This came from an old lady named Alfonsa, who had a lot of reasoning that all came out to be really not that complicated and thats why it was complicated, because it wasnt complicated at all. But she is the reason for the love plot in this story. It was pretty good, definitely cormac mccarthy style.

Dreamers by Siegfried Sassoon

Soldiers are citizens of death's grey land,

Drawing no dividend from time's to-morrows.

In the great hour of destiny they stand,

Each with his feuds, and jealousies, and sorrows.

Soldiers are sworn to action; they must win

Some flaming, fatal climax with their lives.

Soldiers are dreamers; when the guns begin

They think of firelit homes, clean beds and wives.

I see them in foul dug-outs, gnawed by rats,

And in the ruined trenches, lashed with rain,

Dreaming of things they did with balls and bats,

And mocked by hopeless longing to regain

Bank-holidays, and picture shows, and spats,

And going to the office in the train.